tHe mOod

{This is my starter: some pieces from before, personal favorites, conversation starters, and mood setters...in the future they'll be mostly current...you'll learn the most about me by reading post after post.  Music consumes my life.  I want to hear your opinion, how you felt word after word.  I like to call it "the good word".  Unfortunately, I can never literally experience your life. Literature: the [dying] art of written word, for me is the ability to try on someone else's shoes.}

Starter Key TBA (look forward to another post)

:Bits and Pieces from Before:

[click any links above to read more]

ExplOsions

Tuesday, June 23, 2009 at 12:21pm

I have never been that awkward person we all see on television. I have never felt like I don't belong in my skin, when I was a child, I used to become upset knowing that I would forever be contained in one body, only seeing out of two eyes, never being able to see what the world, or what I, would look like through someone elses eyes...but I've never felt like my arms were too long, or my fingers too short. 

I recently read a "blog" i suppose it would be called, written by a female talking and talking about how her father wasn't around and how her life was permanently affected...etc etc. 

I guess it is pretty obvious that I wasn't impressed. 

She goes on to say that she wasn't popular in middle school, and even that in highschool because the kids there didn't indulge in her company it brought her right back, full circle, thinking maybe that's why her father didn't want her...etc etc, blah blah.

I want to scream, and pull my hair out when I read something like that. The majority of the population has no "father figure" the other part generally has no "mother figure" or no "adult figure" at all...

I guess I appreciate the few people in this world who go out and make something to show for themselves without constantly referring back to their horrid childhood as an excuse for who they are, how they are, what they are.

It's something that should be included in the "secret code of silence" you have with aquaintances. No one wants to know about how your daddy beat you, so you weren't popular, which made you want to cut yourself which you ended up doing, spiraling you into a pit of doom and despair...negative. 

You choose what you are, and who you become based on prior experiences. People in my age group need to learn that constantly explaining ourselves is just wasting everyone's time, and getting us nowhere. It's obnoxious. Stop trying to make excuses for yourself. Either grow into yourself, or don't...either way, stop with the unneeded pity party while you are at it.

I don't mean to sound judgemental, but maybe I am...I look at it like, I can understand pulling from past experiences to make art, music, style, to alter your personality, while you find yourself, etc...but if you aren't cathargically using what "god" gave you...then get out...The music isn't beautiful if I've already heard the story 1000 times. The art isn't great if I know everything...where is the mystery?

Which for some odd reason leads me to internet dating: [ugh!] 

Since when do we no longer feel the need for real human interaction before we thrust ourselves into lifelong commitments?

A friend of mine met someone online, has known them for a bit (four months or so) and is trying to get married and start having children...maybe it makes me a bad person for wanting to scream YIKES! WTF? but that is just how I feel. Do you even know each other, or are you still in the process of revealing what is under the mask, and someone will be MORE than willing to jump up and yell about how maybe we don't all wear masks, and some of us are REEAAAL...and BULLSHIt. Everyone puts on a show. You can't help it, I can't help it...It is something we have been doing since we were children, sitting quietly once the teacher walks back in, saying something horrible until the person hears, and then zipping the lips until they leave again...Smiling politely to creepers at the gas station, talking about how much we would just LOVE to work at McDonalds, and we want advancement opportunities...It is part of being a citizen, putting on a show with your classmates, employees, and day to day aquaintances...So I guess because you openly state "47 year old female looking for someone to eat icecream with, enjoys cats more than dogs, trucks more than cars, loves classic rock, doesn't mind if it isn't circumsized..." that makes up for time spent together, talking, walking, hugging, smiling, worrying, hating, working, fighting...etc? If you meet someone online, chat...and then meet, and then date, and then date some more, and then there is talk of marriage, or moving in, or whatever...then I don't see the problem, but people take it to the next level. 

"ooooh...47 year old female...i like icecream...and cats" 

marie, i saw your profile profile picture and LET'S GET MARRIED...

P.S. I'm Ted, and I really like your profile picture. 

ME! ted4cats on AIM

[that is an extreme scenario people...get with it]

I see it constantly with military people though...18 years old...meet, greet, heat, babies, marriage. repeat...

and just because you are 30 or 25 or 78 doesn't mean its ANY different than when an 18 year old does it...its worse, because you are supposed to have more life experiences by that time, and base your desicions off that...sadly in our culture "life experiences" mean: i've watched waaaay more tv than you, and played about 1,097,501 hours of guitar hero...

It is so frustrating to me that I wish they would rid the world of marriage completely...stop living that daydream, and start actually meeting people around you for who they are...instead of constantly searching for that Knight in Shining Armor everyone pretends to be. I try to always be myself, and let the chips fall where they may, and I am that forward bitch who realizes you are being hypocritical 

"oh yea, i hate abortion" john says to sally while sami stands nearby...

sally walks away and here comes suzie 

"oh?" john implies to suzie "you don't like anti-abortion laws?...me either. me either"

at this point, I would poke my head in, and note to suzie and John, that john wasn't thinking the same thing about ten minutes ago when he was talking to sally...and then I provoke debate...because believe it, I have some pretty strong opinions on things...so I am willing to argue just about anything, until you start to get offended, and then suddenly...I have lost interest, because I am refusing to spend anymore time with people who have so much to say, but don't know how to listen...

everyone should be just a bit more forward, it would start to make you realize who is who at least...if you don't like being called out, stop acting like something you're not when you are around me...because if lying were natural, we wouldn't be caught in them all the time...people see what people want to see anyway...pretending you love animals isn't going to make the vet fall in love with you. It's going to give you something to talk about, but here's an idea...had you told her something REAL about yourself, you could have talked about that instead...and wouldn't that be just a whole lot less cliche?

Sore losers: suck it. If you can't handle it when you lose, don't play. At least don't play with me, and definently don't play with nate. He is a great photographer, but that means he can make you look like a monster...that flash clicks both ways baby.

If you are hired to do a service, DO THAT SERVICE! Don't run around all day, pretending to be fixing a shower, or getting rid of cockroaches, and then find out later in the evening, there is still no shower, and huh. was that a cockroach I just saw scurry across the floor?

BEWARE OF YOUR APARTMENT MANAGEMENT...DON'T BE AFRAID TO TALK TO THE DISTRICT MANAGER.

Love the company you keep. Stop telling yourself, that hanging out with a bunch of whiny, backless, shlups is eventually going to turn into a besties friendship party every night of the week. More than likely, if you don't like them the first few times...it is not going to work out...however, if you ARE forced to be in the same room with a bunch of people...be your god damn self. Even if they look at you weird. YOU DON'T LIKE THEM ANYWAY!

Ten Songs...

you shouldn't go your whole life without listening to:

(not in any particular order)

a.) Dead Mau5-'Hi Friend!'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9GRu_3hfpM

b.) Sage Francis-'Sea Lion'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BffumeEaYOI

c.) Sam Sparro- 'Black and Gold'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHuebHTD-lY

d.) Bus Driver- 'Imaginary Places'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHuebHTD-lY

e.) Slightly Stoopid- 'Runnin' with a Gun'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6AdbjzKXsM

f.) Ratatat- 'Desert Eagle'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIsvIGvWV2w

g.) Pusifer- 'Momma Sed'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dR3ccmWmLhk

h.) Muse- 'Caves Remix'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBDgoy66ujs

i.) Flobots- 'Never had it'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwB411Smhxk

1321.) Gorrillaz- "Fire Coming Out of a Monkey's Head'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CX-hPFFwWIk

ADVICE from FICTION

Tuesday, July 20, 2010 at 11:24pm

I could see her yelling through the rain, but the wind took her voice downhill into the blackest corners of the night, even without the noise of her voice I could see in her eyes as she said,

"May the walls we built be made of Styrofoam so that they are light enough to float away down the river, 

so that our fingernails may peirce and tear them down."

She was right all those years ago, and luckily, with each new experience she becomes less right or wrong and more alive...

"It is too easy to judge," she told me beneath the cover of a tin awning as the roaring storm hid us from the rest of the world..."to speak softly is not to say something important." I am pretty sure she burped loudly only a moment after. 

"the moment is ruined, but isn't that the point?"

::::

::A POEM::

October 11. 2008
Origins
www.myspace.com/samanthashli1321

Remind the sun, I miss her touch
with every passing moment
but tell her, my arms aren't long enough
i lack the needed component

I having nothing left for you.
feel free to look me over.
The only thing I asked of you,
don't leave me on the shoulder.

too many times burnt by your touch
screaming mistakes covered in dust.

[Tears may stain this face
but I don't mind the taste]

i've been picking the stones
out from within my bones
for the road we travelled
was made from gravel

the tires are worn to mesh
its not safe to drive
its cold without flesh
find a warm place to hide

the time is passing with nowhere to go
i've got the puzzle but I'm missing the piece
even with all the time to grow
I've never been able to reach.
the steps aren't sturdy
but my sanity is on the top rack
my hands are dirty
and the jar is cracked

I need you now
to stop the spinning
i lost you somehow
I didn't know in the beginning
but once you fall out
you can't get back in
your eyes show the doubt
your body shows the sin.