worki-worx

One of the kids was on a rampage at work today.  He was in a fighting mood, and at first I thought he was joking around...but it was lasting a little too long and getting more intense throughout the day.  Just little comments here and there
"say somethin!" and "bring it"
"was I talkin' to you?"
or "don't you give me that attiTUDE"

Eventually the attitude became a yelling craze from the sidelines while staff faced the teens for a Thanksgiving soccer game.  The kids won...it was intense.  I was sweating.  My feet hurt.  My pants were too tight.  I couldn't stop grinning.  I also am quite bad at soccer.  No one wants to tell me, but I can feel it.  hahaha.  Oh well.  :)

We ate a huuuuge Thanksgiving dinner for the kids and their families today, so we had alot of people in and out of the club and I wasn't keeping track of all the squabbles between the kids but about a half hour before we start sending people home I am at the front desk and can see a strange stand-off going on outside the club, riiiight in front of the club so I go to stand at the door to see what is up and don't hear anything.  It stops or had already stopped before I can find out what is going on...but there is that tense, heavy air so I ask,

"What's up?"

Both [sides] reactions are immediate and similar.  Nothing, don't worry about it...The boy standing at the doorway sighs loudly and rolls his eyes dramatically and walks away.  He is visibly annoyed.

"Better watch your back!" the other boy taunts.  The other kids are watching intensely.  Their eyes shifting from the opposing boy to me.

"What's going on here?" I inquire again, more commanding but I'm still totally at a loss.  Looking at each person.  "What was that about?"

"Nothing." and the crowd starts to break away.

I go inside and start asking the other kids what is going on (Maybe I'M out of the loop or something...) Apparently no one wants to tell me, so I leave it alone.  Then it's getting closer to closing time and the two haven't figured it out, now they are yelling from the parking lot into the building that "...better watch your BACK!"...and we decide it's not an option for the kid in the building to walk home, alone, in the black of a west coast evening, with a pack of fight-worthy peers of this dude's {our CLUBS} neighborhood...so we get everyone else out of the building, rides arrive, and the club officially closes...there are still about 12 kids on the very edge of the property standing around talking a little too loud, offering a little too friendly to walk home the other kid.  We politely help refuse the offers and the kid gets in a staff vehicle and starts to leave the parking lot.  One of the kids from the group stand in the middle of the exit while the other kids yell,

"Maybe we should all go down to his house!" the leading boy is yelling and the other kids are talking loudly in some sort of not total agreeing or allowance but blind following of initiative wasted on some ridiculous argument.  So what do you do?  Five of us stand at the doorway of the club looking out.

"Go home!" We say,  "Stop it."...but of course they don't and it's fifteen minutes later...so a co-worker and I go out into the parking lot and start herding them away but it was so crazy.  What do you say in a moment like that?  I said, "We don't need that here.  We can't have people feeling threatened when they're trying to leave the club...you have enough of that in your real lives."  but none of the kids are leaving and one kid says [in spanish] I imagine he is saying something about "...like she would know.." or something.  Downsizing my tiny piece of respect after a couple short months.

"Whatever, we're not in the club..." All of them with I-do-what-I-want attitudes and mouths to match...

"You guys need to make a decision, go.  or face the consequences.  You could be suspended."--a few kids start to shuffle, making the circle wider and less menacing in the dark.  Eye level with all of them as I announce I don't want to, but I will if they won't leave.  "We're waiting on you."

It's over enough to let it be and go on for the night.  What else can we do?  The most of it has passed and the threatened is safely behind locked doors...we've stalled at least.

I come home letting off the weight.  Thinking and re-thinking the looks in their eye.  Their assumed total knowledge.  How far would they go?  I see these kids on a human level every single day.  It's insane to see them claws exposed...for what?  Over something unknown to me even now.  But it defines their worlds.  The only control they have.  Constantly exposed to raw emotion, something that is supposed to be a release, but just a pin-prick and the tower comes tumbling down.  We're complex.  So many levels and layers...stories, experiences, causes and reactions...and there I stand.  Throbbing heart and temple, burning in their fire from a completely different level.

Tomorrow is a new day.  Again and again...and thinking of how God brings people hope.  The ripple of my actions brings me hope.  I hope someday I can truly say I've inspired...above and beyond the air I breathe each day.  Making my life worth the complexities it takes to keep me alive.

What would you say?  What is there to be learned from your life?  Tell me.  I seek the good word tonight.

are you effing kidding me?!

Who does that!?!?!?!  You don't remember?!  Are you EFFING kidding me!?  You can't say "hey, btw: liked your tattoo now gonna copy and steal it".  Talk about a huge rip-off.  I can only imagine how THAT conversation is gonna go if we were to ever hang out together.
"Oh wow.  You guys have the same tattoo."

"Yeah, this chick decided she liked mine and got the same one in a different spot."

Can I use my little bubbles to brighten MINE up now?  Hell no.  Because you already did.  That's okay.  I have a different idea...and the placement of mine is perfect.  I need need NEED to talk to my brother right now, because I'm about to scream!!!

DrEaM

It was all good at first...just me and some of the kids from work in a giant house-like area.  We were cooking, I'm pretty sure of that There was rain and we were too close to the ocean.  I think the decks hung over the beach and the tide started to rise and waves were slapping the walls on the back of the house and luckily I went into the front just in time to see the huge tree from the neighbors yard get hit by lightning. The branches were so dry and it lit up like Christmas, catching the roof of their house and a good portion of the side before a loud pop and crackling...[the fire is falling!!!] I'm stuck there, just watching the fire as the tree collapses onto the tree house in our front yard [are there kids in there!?] and the tree in our yard is catching fire and falling.  The man from the house [Nathan?...is that you?] comes out and I start screaming "CALL 911!" There was fire everywhere around me, no heat though...and maybe there was a casualty.  Luckily if there was, I can't remember...I'm trying to remember more, but I'm out.  I woke up shortly after the tree fell, the details are lost to me less than half an hour later.

it wanders

I always wonder who is meant in situations involving the ever-vague "they".  Is that conceited to always wonder if it is me?...Is it childish, pathetic, or rude?  It doesn't matter.  It's what shakes it's booty through my head every time someone is trying to be mysterious.  I tell myself I don't care, but I just wonder what type of judgments are really being passed behind closed curtains...Hopefully extravagant ones that will turn into fairy tales (or warning stories) for your grandchildren.

Also: I want to put "I LOVE YOU MOM" at the end of the book I'll never write.

Today at Work...

It was kind of cold and most of the kids were inside...instead of having to ref soccer like I would usually do if I was outside I sat at the picnic tables and made tons of  bracelets and necklaces and tied LOTS of knots.  It's pretty much the one part of making the bracelets the kids refuse (or don't know how) to do.  So I end up tying all the beginning knots, and sizing them around their little wrists.  It was actually fun...They were telling me stories about their little lives and asking me questions about Vaya...I found out alot about them.  Really cool.  Then I decided we hadn't played with chalk in a really long time, and I hadn't seen the kids playing hopscotch in awhile, so I got out the chalk and drew three long ass hopscotch boards, then sent them out to find a rock to call their own.  One kid came back with a huge pile of perfect sized rocks and alot of the kids used the ones he picked.  The kids helped me number all the squares.  They REALLY wanted to be the ones writing the numbers, and why not? It got them counting and participating.  After that we started racing.  Everyone, three at a time (there were three hopscotch boards lined up next to eachother each one about 29 squares long) We threw our rocks down and raced to get em.  It was pretty fun for awhile.  Of course everyone wanted to race ME! and I let them win by a hair.  I was doing the hopscotch perfectly but the kids were just jumping up and down, grabbing rocks, throwing stuff...It was really fun!

Then I went inside because there is Torch Club on Fridays and I am in charge of it, so I got all the kids in there, and we had gotten all these gold pins in the mail (the kind you put on your coat)...and so I got to give them to the kids.  I basically gave them to the officers and the few that were left over I gave to the officers to give to the kids they thought best deserved them...one girl actually gave me hers back.  She told me she didnt think anyone else deserved one, and I agreed with her.  The meeting was really frustrating.  There are only about 12 kids in "torch club" and four of them are "officers"...The rest of the kids are just there to be there, they don't really know why...so they are just yelling at each other (officers vs reg kids) pretty much the whole time.  I don't want to take the power away from the officers, because why else would they even come!? but I don't want the officers to be scaring away new kids who might otherwise come to the meetings, so IDK I'm kind of at a stand still there... don't really know what to do on that one...I am going to stage a test about TORCH CLUB and maybe that will give the kids some sense of direction, maybe give out some prizes to kids who remember to bring their Torch Club card...doing something really fun despite the problems with their social understanding...they can just never stop yelling and arguing!  

Oh well, Today in Torch Club we talked about doing a "buddy day" and we voted on what to teach the littler kids (our buddies)...I was told to do the "buddy day" by Tonya and it is a good idea, I just wish I had more time to plan for it.  We are doing it next week.  We voted on whether to teach the littler kids how to make a homemade pizza or how to make a smoothie.  I think we settled on both.  Dumb.  We don't even have a pizza maker, but my boss might and if she does we are gonna use hers.  That means next week we'll be making pizza and smoothies.  I'll go to the store and get all the stuff to make pizza and smoothies and then set it all up and then we'll teach the kids how to do it.  It's gonna be a horrible HORRIBLE mess.  I think I am going to have VERY strict rules that day...I also have to figure out how many little kids are we going to teach?  If I have one rookie to every one Torch Club member that is gonna be almost 30 kids, and 22 of them aren't going to be able to even BEGIN to know how to handle it.  My bigger kids will be arguing with NOT ONLY themselves, but also the little kids and UGH! Maybe I can do them in small groups.  They are my buddies, and my buddies are the littler kids buddies, but even then.  I have 22 kids sitting waiting for 4-5 minutes at a time and I have to make like 15 smoothies basically by myself. UGh.  It's gonna be SUCH chaos.  How I am suppose to do it, IDK.  I'm definitely going to be asking about that on Monday.  I am a little worried about it and will be brainstorming throughout the weekend...let me know if you have any ideas!!! :)

boOtybOotyboOty

I don't know how addicted you are to fB...but for me: on a scale of 1-10 I'd rate myself a high 8.  I have been known to check my fB from my iPhone, my computer, and sometimes unfortunately...even someone else's computer.  I check my facebook more than three times a day.  I spend sometimes fifteen minutes, sometimes an hour or more sifting through the profiles, pictures, and posts of those people who I don't see day-to-day.  I post pictures directly from my phone to fB and spend time moving my 'Myspace world' to my fB.  I love updating my personal information to fit my most current experiences, and I currently am involved in a commenting love-fest, it's my absolute favorite.  Picture comments, status updates, notes, surveys, quizzes...you name it.  I am noticing more and more people living their lives for the sole purpose of flaunting it via Facebook and I might surprise you by saying: I don't think it's a bad thing. Although it is ridiculously unnecessary in a survival scenario it is socially accepted and encouraged, it is free and it fills the gaps between conversation, work, and play.  There is a boundary you just have to be careful not to cross.  When you exchange real friends for fB friends, it's probably not the healthiest choice and if you choose fB activities (farmville, poker, otherVille) instead of real activities, you are starting to cross over into the World Of Warcraft, eat at the computer, sleep with it up-style addiction...but for the most part, people find a comfort web of oldies but goodies online.  An easy way to exchange music, ideas, stories, pictures, and hone pointless skills.  I'm also pleased to see people finding the beauty in life and capturing it.  Beautiful places, or humor in daily life.  Taking time away from self-portraiture is something that doesn't come easy for all of us, but there are a few people really do let me experience their lifes beauty through them and their experiences on fB.  A plethora of reasons to use the site; I can easily keep up to date with old friends and new friends, stay connected to family from far-away and make big issues into small issues with a click or a poke.

In my opinion fB is a step down and a step up from Myspace in my opinion.  Myspace is a disgusting advertising whore while fB is a little bit more discreet.  fB however took away raw html talent that was needed to make Myspace beautiful.  Blogging also became less of a focus.

I'm kind of old school, or I was.  I loved LiveJournal, just blogging.  They should have called it 'drama journal' though and I'm more than glad it's gone.  However, one sentence "updates" kind of made me sick in the initial thought process of moving from Myspace to fB.  I remember thinking: "who needs to do that?" and then I clicked [agree to terms of service] and I started to understand.  I was also sad to see the customized site-like face gone of Myspace.  When I first moved from LiveJournal to Myspace, it defined me...all the color schemes and pictures, definitions and glittery pot teddy bears.  It was the coolest form of expression I had ever known...and yet I feel like Myspace consumed me less than fB ever has.  I would check it and recheck it, a couple times a day...be stoked for new picture comments or blogs and move on with my authentic life...but this BOOKFACE you're all talking about is a whole other story.  I can find myself losing hours of my day to the constant upkeep of comments and pokes...stories and links.  I'm not a big game player, but I am a profile surfer, from one to the next to the next, commenting and commenting and commenting.

Here is an article posted 10/2009, are you addicted to facebook (for your sockets)

http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/lifestyle/10/20/09/are-you-facebook-addict

If we've got addicts so we've gotta have some common courtesies for fB.

1. Write at least one note or go to Twitter.

2. Picture comment those who picture comment you

3. Don't fill up the wall...use with reserve.

I'd like to come back and expand on these at some point...but need food desperately.

Agree? Disagree?...don't give a flying horses ass-fuck?

The pHotogRaphEr

It was recently brought to my attention that the website "Etsy" is pretty much the place to go in regards to buying or selling art-like items.  They have a huge selection of music items, jewelry, clothes, photography, and the prices are based on the person selling the items.  You can see their link at the top.  If you are willing to click around, you can find amazing things there.  It's pretty much the NeverLand of crafts and vintage.  So, I'd like to introduce you to the first person I'd like to promote.  

The Photographer.

[AKA: my brother and best friend]

Although I've never done anything like this before, I'd like your help in selecting a few pieces of his work that you think would be most likely to sell.  I don't currently have any of his photos available on Etsy but hope to start an account in the near future.  He and I will work out the pricing, and we'll provide the links to purchase once the product is available.  Here is a temporary gallery of his work for your viewing pleasure.  Tell your friends, tell your friends' friends.  Let me know if any of these purchase your buying fancy immediately and we can always get you something working even before the Etsy account is started.

Please let me know your personal top few.

[Golden Road]

[Hold the Phone]

[Life is a Journey]

[Ray of Soul]

[music]

[pinup]

[cuffsmoke]

[silent <3]

[bliss]

[mcSexi]

I'd also like to provide some of his contact information so that you may contact him independently.

click the links below to contact:

the photographer via Myspace

photographer via fB

tHe mOod

{This is my starter: some pieces from before, personal favorites, conversation starters, and mood setters...in the future they'll be mostly current...you'll learn the most about me by reading post after post.  Music consumes my life.  I want to hear your opinion, how you felt word after word.  I like to call it "the good word".  Unfortunately, I can never literally experience your life. Literature: the [dying] art of written word, for me is the ability to try on someone else's shoes.}

Starter Key TBA (look forward to another post)

:Bits and Pieces from Before:

[click any links above to read more]

ExplOsions

Tuesday, June 23, 2009 at 12:21pm

I have never been that awkward person we all see on television. I have never felt like I don't belong in my skin, when I was a child, I used to become upset knowing that I would forever be contained in one body, only seeing out of two eyes, never being able to see what the world, or what I, would look like through someone elses eyes...but I've never felt like my arms were too long, or my fingers too short. 

I recently read a "blog" i suppose it would be called, written by a female talking and talking about how her father wasn't around and how her life was permanently affected...etc etc. 

I guess it is pretty obvious that I wasn't impressed. 

She goes on to say that she wasn't popular in middle school, and even that in highschool because the kids there didn't indulge in her company it brought her right back, full circle, thinking maybe that's why her father didn't want her...etc etc, blah blah.

I want to scream, and pull my hair out when I read something like that. The majority of the population has no "father figure" the other part generally has no "mother figure" or no "adult figure" at all...

I guess I appreciate the few people in this world who go out and make something to show for themselves without constantly referring back to their horrid childhood as an excuse for who they are, how they are, what they are.

It's something that should be included in the "secret code of silence" you have with aquaintances. No one wants to know about how your daddy beat you, so you weren't popular, which made you want to cut yourself which you ended up doing, spiraling you into a pit of doom and despair...negative. 

You choose what you are, and who you become based on prior experiences. People in my age group need to learn that constantly explaining ourselves is just wasting everyone's time, and getting us nowhere. It's obnoxious. Stop trying to make excuses for yourself. Either grow into yourself, or don't...either way, stop with the unneeded pity party while you are at it.

I don't mean to sound judgemental, but maybe I am...I look at it like, I can understand pulling from past experiences to make art, music, style, to alter your personality, while you find yourself, etc...but if you aren't cathargically using what "god" gave you...then get out...The music isn't beautiful if I've already heard the story 1000 times. The art isn't great if I know everything...where is the mystery?

Which for some odd reason leads me to internet dating: [ugh!] 

Since when do we no longer feel the need for real human interaction before we thrust ourselves into lifelong commitments?

A friend of mine met someone online, has known them for a bit (four months or so) and is trying to get married and start having children...maybe it makes me a bad person for wanting to scream YIKES! WTF? but that is just how I feel. Do you even know each other, or are you still in the process of revealing what is under the mask, and someone will be MORE than willing to jump up and yell about how maybe we don't all wear masks, and some of us are REEAAAL...and BULLSHIt. Everyone puts on a show. You can't help it, I can't help it...It is something we have been doing since we were children, sitting quietly once the teacher walks back in, saying something horrible until the person hears, and then zipping the lips until they leave again...Smiling politely to creepers at the gas station, talking about how much we would just LOVE to work at McDonalds, and we want advancement opportunities...It is part of being a citizen, putting on a show with your classmates, employees, and day to day aquaintances...So I guess because you openly state "47 year old female looking for someone to eat icecream with, enjoys cats more than dogs, trucks more than cars, loves classic rock, doesn't mind if it isn't circumsized..." that makes up for time spent together, talking, walking, hugging, smiling, worrying, hating, working, fighting...etc? If you meet someone online, chat...and then meet, and then date, and then date some more, and then there is talk of marriage, or moving in, or whatever...then I don't see the problem, but people take it to the next level. 

"ooooh...47 year old female...i like icecream...and cats" 

marie, i saw your profile profile picture and LET'S GET MARRIED...

P.S. I'm Ted, and I really like your profile picture. 

ME! ted4cats on AIM

[that is an extreme scenario people...get with it]

I see it constantly with military people though...18 years old...meet, greet, heat, babies, marriage. repeat...

and just because you are 30 or 25 or 78 doesn't mean its ANY different than when an 18 year old does it...its worse, because you are supposed to have more life experiences by that time, and base your desicions off that...sadly in our culture "life experiences" mean: i've watched waaaay more tv than you, and played about 1,097,501 hours of guitar hero...

It is so frustrating to me that I wish they would rid the world of marriage completely...stop living that daydream, and start actually meeting people around you for who they are...instead of constantly searching for that Knight in Shining Armor everyone pretends to be. I try to always be myself, and let the chips fall where they may, and I am that forward bitch who realizes you are being hypocritical 

"oh yea, i hate abortion" john says to sally while sami stands nearby...

sally walks away and here comes suzie 

"oh?" john implies to suzie "you don't like anti-abortion laws?...me either. me either"

at this point, I would poke my head in, and note to suzie and John, that john wasn't thinking the same thing about ten minutes ago when he was talking to sally...and then I provoke debate...because believe it, I have some pretty strong opinions on things...so I am willing to argue just about anything, until you start to get offended, and then suddenly...I have lost interest, because I am refusing to spend anymore time with people who have so much to say, but don't know how to listen...

everyone should be just a bit more forward, it would start to make you realize who is who at least...if you don't like being called out, stop acting like something you're not when you are around me...because if lying were natural, we wouldn't be caught in them all the time...people see what people want to see anyway...pretending you love animals isn't going to make the vet fall in love with you. It's going to give you something to talk about, but here's an idea...had you told her something REAL about yourself, you could have talked about that instead...and wouldn't that be just a whole lot less cliche?

Sore losers: suck it. If you can't handle it when you lose, don't play. At least don't play with me, and definently don't play with nate. He is a great photographer, but that means he can make you look like a monster...that flash clicks both ways baby.

If you are hired to do a service, DO THAT SERVICE! Don't run around all day, pretending to be fixing a shower, or getting rid of cockroaches, and then find out later in the evening, there is still no shower, and huh. was that a cockroach I just saw scurry across the floor?

BEWARE OF YOUR APARTMENT MANAGEMENT...DON'T BE AFRAID TO TALK TO THE DISTRICT MANAGER.

Love the company you keep. Stop telling yourself, that hanging out with a bunch of whiny, backless, shlups is eventually going to turn into a besties friendship party every night of the week. More than likely, if you don't like them the first few times...it is not going to work out...however, if you ARE forced to be in the same room with a bunch of people...be your god damn self. Even if they look at you weird. YOU DON'T LIKE THEM ANYWAY!

Ten Songs...

you shouldn't go your whole life without listening to:

(not in any particular order)

a.) Dead Mau5-'Hi Friend!'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9GRu_3hfpM

b.) Sage Francis-'Sea Lion'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BffumeEaYOI

c.) Sam Sparro- 'Black and Gold'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHuebHTD-lY

d.) Bus Driver- 'Imaginary Places'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHuebHTD-lY

e.) Slightly Stoopid- 'Runnin' with a Gun'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6AdbjzKXsM

f.) Ratatat- 'Desert Eagle'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIsvIGvWV2w

g.) Pusifer- 'Momma Sed'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dR3ccmWmLhk

h.) Muse- 'Caves Remix'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBDgoy66ujs

i.) Flobots- 'Never had it'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwB411Smhxk

1321.) Gorrillaz- "Fire Coming Out of a Monkey's Head'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CX-hPFFwWIk

ADVICE from FICTION

Tuesday, July 20, 2010 at 11:24pm

I could see her yelling through the rain, but the wind took her voice downhill into the blackest corners of the night, even without the noise of her voice I could see in her eyes as she said,

"May the walls we built be made of Styrofoam so that they are light enough to float away down the river, 

so that our fingernails may peirce and tear them down."

She was right all those years ago, and luckily, with each new experience she becomes less right or wrong and more alive...

"It is too easy to judge," she told me beneath the cover of a tin awning as the roaring storm hid us from the rest of the world..."to speak softly is not to say something important." I am pretty sure she burped loudly only a moment after. 

"the moment is ruined, but isn't that the point?"

::::

::A POEM::

October 11. 2008
Origins
www.myspace.com/samanthashli1321

Remind the sun, I miss her touch
with every passing moment
but tell her, my arms aren't long enough
i lack the needed component

I having nothing left for you.
feel free to look me over.
The only thing I asked of you,
don't leave me on the shoulder.

too many times burnt by your touch
screaming mistakes covered in dust.

[Tears may stain this face
but I don't mind the taste]

i've been picking the stones
out from within my bones
for the road we travelled
was made from gravel

the tires are worn to mesh
its not safe to drive
its cold without flesh
find a warm place to hide

the time is passing with nowhere to go
i've got the puzzle but I'm missing the piece
even with all the time to grow
I've never been able to reach.
the steps aren't sturdy
but my sanity is on the top rack
my hands are dirty
and the jar is cracked

I need you now
to stop the spinning
i lost you somehow
I didn't know in the beginning
but once you fall out
you can't get back in
your eyes show the doubt
your body shows the sin.