I guess the prologue should say that I am currently overrun with emotion.
I was denied the "crappy" job on base.
I'm still at a standstill with my education.
The sun is shining, but the quickest way to get my husband out of my hair is by asking him,
"Would you like to ___________ with me?" and off he goes. He's not sleeping. He's hiding.
I'm the predator & he is the prey. I might eat him if this was the wild..............
Take a deep breath. Keep wiping away the tears. Here is this magnificent day to enjoy alone. It burns like a warm shot of tequila. Choking it past my throat and into my stomach. I try to embrace the pain, the fear, the hot unexplained hate. My mind runs back to the memory of home. Family & friends. Life is easy in a memory. You're the only one here, but you're hardly here at all. Tomorrow the clouds will be back, to remind me what a waste today has been. Are we both pretending to want to win? I'm sad. I want to seek comfort. Seek happiness, even seek revenge--but instead I find myself trapped in a life of smiling through. I usually let the emotion subside & die hidden inside of me, buried beneath smiles & "fine", but today it cuts deeper than usual. When my insides start to bleed, I find myself with a pad and a pen, blotting the anguish into feverish words. I dress the wounds with editing. Organizing my thoughts. Stitching the worst thoughts with scribbles and revisions, until finally I can start to see my immune system taking over & I can start to heal. Repeating. Repeating. Repeating. Repeating. Repeating.