Predator Heart

I guess the prologue should say that I am currently overrun with emotion.
I was denied the "crappy" job on base.
I'm still at a standstill with my education.
The sun is shining, but the quickest way to get my husband out of my hair is by asking him,
"Would you like to ___________ with me?" and off he goes.  He's not sleeping.  He's hiding.


I'm the predator & he is the prey.  I might eat him if this was the wild..............

Take a deep breath.  Keep wiping away the tears.  Here is this magnificent day to enjoy alone.  It burns like a warm shot of tequila.  Choking it past my throat and into my stomach.  I try to embrace the pain, the fear, the hot unexplained hate.  My mind runs back to the memory of home.  Family & friends.  Life is easy in a memory.  You're the only one here, but you're hardly here at all.  Tomorrow the clouds will be back, to remind me what a waste today has been.  Are we both pretending to want to win?  I'm sad.  I want to seek comfort.  Seek happiness, even seek revenge--but instead I find myself trapped in a life of smiling through.  I usually let the emotion subside & die hidden inside of me, buried beneath smiles & "fine", but today it cuts deeper than usual.  When my insides start to bleed, I find myself with a pad and a pen, blotting the anguish into feverish words.  I dress the wounds with editing.  Organizing my thoughts.  Stitching the worst thoughts with scribbles and revisions, until finally I can start to see my immune system taking over & I can start to heal.   Repeating. Repeating. Repeating.  Repeating.  Repeating.